Why am I so fearful?

I find myself in a strange position lately. Many years ago, I set about to write a program in a language that I did not know. I immersed myself in books and tutorials and ended up being fairly expert at coding in VBA (Visual Basic For Applications) and then Visual Basic itself. So I know that I am able to learn new things and learn them well.

So why is it that I find myself afraid that I am no longer able to do this?

I have several projects in mind that I want to develop in a completely web based environment. It is different in many ways from the kind of programming I used to do professionally, but the concepts are not all that different. Yet I am almost frozen in apprehension. What if I can no longer pick up new things?

I wonder how many other people have had these kinds of feelings. My guess is that it is fairly common. Fear of the unknown, etc. Just because you have done something before is not a guarantee that you can do it again. On the other hand, the fact that you have should give you (and me) confidence in future abilities.

I am facing the same kind of situation with music. I play the keyboards and the guitar. I was a singer and songwriter as well. I have not really done anything musical in over 15 years. I have keyboards and guitars at home. I stare at them all the time. But again, I find myself afraid to pick them up and play. Why? I wish I had the answer for that.

I like to excel at everything I do and so it can be difficult to go through the awkward learning stage. I am sure that this is one of the underlying reasons. But I have been successful at both programming and music in the past. Why so much lack of confidence?

Sarah Palin

I am trying to figure out what the deal is with Sarah Palin. How is it possible that there are people out there that actually see her as a good thing for the United States or for the Republican Party? During the election season, I really thought that she had a lot of potential. I figured that she was just new and inexperienced and that this would change with time.
I am seeing that this is not the case.

I think that there is a legitimate grain of truth in her contention of being mistreated by the press – but only a grain. There have been some inappropriate reporting and/or comments about her. For example, I think it is grossly inappropriate for anyone to talk about her being “hot” or being a MILF. No one would talk about a male candidate that way. Aren’t we past the sexism and bigotry at this point? We elected an African-American as President. Why is it so much harder to believe that a woman could be elected as President?

That being said, the lack of experience and the incredible ability to live in an alternate universe when it comes to facts is something that absolutely deserves to be addressed. The press should be getting the facts. They should be holding people accountable – both to their pasts and to their promises. If a politician says something that is clearly not true, they should be called on it – whether it is a man or a woman; a Democrat or a Republican; black or white; Christian, Muslim or Jew (and any other groups that I did not mention). That should be the role of the press. Not sensationalizing celebrity deaths or monster pandemics.

Sarah Palin definitely lives in a different “truth” than the rest of us. She goes on TV to tout pardoning a turkey while dozens of turkeys are getting “processed” right behind her. She can look you straight in the eye and tell you that everyone in the media is against her. Or that anyone that says bad things about her is either a liar or someone with an axe to grind. G-d help anyone that gets in her way! She can, with a straight face, quit her job as governor 18 months early while talking about how it is the right thing for Alaska and she does not want to subject the people of her state to a lame duck governor. Oh my oh my. All the while, millions of people are eating it up and continue to see her as the Republican Party’s greatest hope in 2012 and beyond. Wow. How can anyone think that she is a positive thing for the country? Or that she would be a good President? How can we even trust her to finish a job if she were to get elected?

I cannot begin to express how the idea of Palin’s advancement scares me. I thought we were bad off under Bush/Cheney. We have already seen the result of letting someone lead this country based on whimsy and “gut feeling.” For the love of G-d – it must not happen again!